Shelinda (shelinda) wrote in kingdom_come,

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So what now?

...I think...I forgot I had this thing existed.

It's been a while since i've last updated it, and to those who read it and wondered where I went; my apologies.

Finally, I went shopping.. my oddly gathered income was supposed to be partially spent on Books of Yevon, but because I forgot him (as blasphemous as it sounds, it wasn't my fault), I Had extra money, and thus, settled myself into a meager apartment in the middle of nowhere in particular. I bought some new clothes, and a little baby-chocobo-like plushie that reminds me of a duck.. Then, of course, food to have at home, and the like..

Whilst trying to get a head start on training with Locke's daggers, I began to play with them on my own, and ended up hurting myself pretty badly because I was a klutz.. Miss Dagger was kind enough to come heal me, and she was also kind enough to put up with the aftermath that followed. Thank you. And thank you, Locke, as well, for your accompanying me home and staying with me for a bit. It was certainly good to see you again.

I think I need to get out more. Whereupon I used to always be out on the streets too much, now, I believe I am cooped up inside too much..Hm. I don't know.. We'll just see how things go; perhaps I'll go for a little walk right after finishing this.

As a final note, though, if it hadn't been deduced from the paragraphs above, I remembered everything I had forgotten. About Yevon, Spira; all of it. I've realized the extent of my utter sin, and am still debating the next direction that I will take.

Private Journal: Everything is in black and white. Ever since I got my memory back, I've been trapped; consumed by the very darkness that consumed me physically before. I'm lost; without a road to look back on, or one to go forward on.. everything i've ever known and had even the slightest bit of belief in is gone; flown out the window and plummeted like a dove with a broken wing, who was too foolish to look down.
To Yevon: I don't know why this has happened. Your will or not, there was a purpose behind it. To get me away from you, to get me to my death, to set me up with Locke, to save me from the destruction of the planet, I don't know. I don't know why you made me forget you; what, did you think I was *happier* that way? What do you want me to do now? I've sinned. You don't want sinners. I've been thrown aside.
Redemption is a fickle word. We worked forever to get our redemption from you; to make Sin go away. Lady Yuna and her party got your redemption. But the rest of us; have we all been forgiven? Will it take that long, that much of eternity, to gain my redemption from you, o great one?
I won't live that long.
I'm only human.
So what now?

Need fresh air.. That walk is looking pretty good right now...
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